Johnny Jobber vs. Teddy Trouble

  • $22.95
    Unit price per 


Talk about two wrestlers who are perfectly named. Johnny couldn’t wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag and Teddy hasn’t met a wrestler he didn’t want to beat to a pulp. We truly wonder why Johnny would be stupid enough to step into the ring against one of the meanest wrestlers at W4H. Has he not received enough brutal beatings in his previous matches? Does he like being humiliated? Does he get off on the pain? Damn if we know, but he’s signed to wrestle Teddy Trouble and we believe it will bring him just that: TROUBLE! Forrest Gump said it best, “Stupid is as stupid does.” 

Johnny comes out like a Mexican jumping bean with a dumbass grin on his face telling the camera he’s going to get his first win in this match. Yeah, there’s about as much chance of that happening as a blizzard in The Bahamas in July. Teddy comes out calling Johnny a loser and we can’t say that we would argue that point. For anyone who hasn’t seen Johnny in a wrestling match, you’ll find out why the name “Johnny Jobber” is so appropriate. 

As expected, Teddy gives Johnny a beating he won’t soon forget. We’d love to list all the moves and holds he used on Johnny, but it would be quicker to list those not used. Teddy had Johnny pinned for the three-count several times, but backed off at the two-count, just so he could inflict more punishment and even spit in his face. Teddy is finished playing with this jobber and gives Johnny a piledriver that leaves him a quivering pile of jelly. After a humiliating pin, Teddy tells the ref to get Johnny a stretcher and to get him out of the ring. 

Johnny needs to accept the fact that his dreams of being a wrestler are not realistic. Yeah, he puts on the gear and gets in the ring, but he never gets an offense going and rarely is even able to defend himself. He needs to quit the business before he gets seriously hurt. Maybe his local car wash has opening for someone to vacuum the interiors or clean the windows. Johnny could probably handle those jobs. Of course, if any of the customers have seen him wrestle, they may just beat him up as well. Poor kid. 

TOTAL RUN-TIME: 20 minutes, 47 seconds


I Think You'd Like These...