Flash LaCash vs. Johnny Jobber

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Who is this dude in knee pads, hat, and jacket who comes bounding into the ring eating a banana out of a lunchbox in the middle of the ring. What the actual fuck? That's what Flash LaCash is thinking when he spies this callow looking little guy who looks like he wandered into the wrestling room expecting a speedo wearing chess club meeting. Meet Johnny Jobber, a pasty prince who had no idea what's about to happen to him. 

"This ain't your daddy's picnic!" roars the beastly LaCash, ripping into the kid with all the tenderness of a starving bear. Watch as that pasty face turns red as a cherry due to the squeezing, strangling, and relentless torment. Figure-four head scissors have little Johnny Jobber listing any and all phallic foods he enjoys stuffing his his mouth. Everything from popsicles to cucumbers to Polish sausage gets named-dropped, inviting LaCash to shove his fingers in that hungry mouth while offering Johnny the camel clutch of his life. 

Flash LaCash peels Johnny Jobber like a banana in what can hardly be considered a wrestling match.

Total Run-time: 22 minutes

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