Gram's getting older...
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I think it's coming up (or down) to the time where I think Gram is going to have to moving in with me. This is how I started this blog entry back in early July.
She's either losing the ability to or not caring enough about keeping herself active and healthy. Maybe she's been that way for decades, to be honest, and it's just seems worse because I'm more aware or maybe it's because she finally is acting older. Less rambunctious and lively.
Nowadays she's holding onto everything when she walks and is more hunched over. Most of her days, from what I can gather, are spent watching mindless TV (I think she's seen every low budget soap opera style movie) and doing word search puzzles in her chair. She used to drive all over hell but now her car will sit days without being moved.
She's a stubborn pain in the ass...I mean that in the best way possible.
A couple weeks ago, she was told by her landlord that they were going to be selling the house she rents and she'd have to find a place to move. I told her she was welcome to move in with me (minus the dog - he's a small pain in the ass that shits in the house). I'm kind of wandering around right now, but told her I'd make sure she had a bed wherever I went until I found a permanent spot. Other family members have offered her a place. I don't know how realistic those places are, as they are either already crowded or a bit more hazardous (for lack of a better word) living conditions, especially for an 86 year old.
She didn't seem keen on living with anybody. Did I mention she's stubborn? Haha. Anyway, she's been looking at places (mostly she cannot afford) or that would give her new problems physically getting into them. She has a wicked time climbing stairs and, if you didn't know, they'll likely get covered with snow and ice during the winters in Maine.
She's going to try living in a trailer (mobile home for those not familiar with the lifestyle), which on paper doesn't seem like a bad idea for a lady her age...except she'll need someone to shovel the snow, get her up and down the stairs, carry in groceries, take out her trash, etc etc. Where she is now is ground level (no stairs) so she's capable of doing a lot still and has family, friends and neighbors who help out when needed. We've tried sending in professional house-keeping and other people to assist but she's a feisty one and doesn't like strangers (or even people she knows) at her house too often.
I'm the one who is in the best position to help (from my perspective) and up until recently she'd listen to me. She's talked about moving in for years, but no real seriousness behind it.
Some of this writing is superfluous or redundant or obvious. I guess what I'm doing it getting words out of my head and seeing if you may have had some wisdom on this type of life endeavor?
7 comments
Cam, let your other relatives find a place for Gram. You will not be able to travel….the other relatives can see her on a daily basis and can meet her needs
Cam…
You have gotten some very sage advice from your fans, that I second.
Having gone through my Mom’s Alzheimer’s and finally coming to the realization that she needed to be in an assisted living home.
Fortunately, her wonderful husband is 10 years younger than you and did his best to take care of her at home. But there comes a time…
You have to take care of yourself, too, otherwise you’re of no use to yourself or anybody else. You seem to have a wonderful relationship with your Gram, which should be cherished every second.
Assisted living facilities are very expensive, and getting more expensive. I think my Mom’s place was about $10K a month. Fortunately, she had Long Term Care insurance, but it doesn’t pay 100% and only lasts a limited time.
Safety is #1 priority… Hers, physically; and yours, mentally.
luvya,
madras
Many communities have senior housing buildings now – she might find a place she likes? Yes, it does take 1/3 of her income, but what else does she need at her age? One bit of advice – if she is hospitalized for some reason, please make sure you or someone visits every day and keeps her moving – even if just walking in the hallway for little while. My Dad was 95, still going to Legion dances every Fri. night, puttering in the yard, etc. He got pneumonia and was in the hospital – after a week he was better, but he had been laying in bed for a week. Muscle atrophy had set in and he became too weak to get out of bed – he just wasted away for two months until he passed. You MUST keep seniors moving each day to maintain muscle function.
Many years ago when my Grandmother had to move closer to one of her children my parents talked to the real estate agent that sold them their house. The real estate agent told them that there are different places around town and my folks lined up some places for my grandmother to look at when my father brought her over for a visit to Massachusetts. There might be local realtors in your Gram’s area that has some ideas or suggest a neighboring town.
Timely. My mom turns 96 in a few days and lives alone on just social security, in a house I can see from my living room. We built it together and I pay the mortgage. She is also stubborn and wanted nothing to do with senior housing which would have been 30% of her SS income. Her car rusted out when she was 94 so that ended that problem. I go there from 8-9 every morning and make her breakfast and do the prior days dishes. She is wicked lonely and I wish 20 years ago we convinced her to go into Senior Housing. My gram did and stayed in her apartment but at least could be social anytime she felt like it. Dogs help the loneliness and can be taught to use “peepads”. Think seriously about 24/7 with her. You are terrific for even considering it. If you do it find someone to step in when you travel. Get one of those walkers with a seat. Install railings esp in bathroom. Lose the coffee table and any throw rugs. 60% of emergency room patients are from falls over age 65.
Big responsibility. Lots of hard family decisions.